Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
