so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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