he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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