oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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