Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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