I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
