Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Boobs speak an international language.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
