she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
