My friends, they love my intelligence
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He shit in the fireplace
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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