Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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