I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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