so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
