I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
