Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
