She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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