Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
