btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
