my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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