Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
