Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
