Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
