Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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