everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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