porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
