Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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