Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
