It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
