oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
why is half of my head shaved?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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