So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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