so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
