I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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