You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
