Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
