she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
