before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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