Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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