Yo dont text me then not text me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
