Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
