Duck Duck Cougar?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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