im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
