we have officially lost it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
