There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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