She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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