I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
