we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
