She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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