if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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