Your tits are I can't wait for
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
