I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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