Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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