WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
