Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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