walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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