I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't notice because vodka
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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