At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize