I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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