I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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