I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
