You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
