And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
