You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
