I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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