Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize