Pants 0. Shit 1.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
