pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
