She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
