It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"