Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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