I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce