so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
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Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE