Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(807): View more from Ontario

her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"

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