Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina