That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
