He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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