the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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