I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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