He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
