Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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