Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
