i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
