mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
