I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
