You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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