im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
