What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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