While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
