Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
