I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how does that bad decision feel?
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