Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
