Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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