btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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