Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
