The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Of course I have a pirate flag
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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