The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
