god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
